I shall write and post this directly here, then copy and repost at crazycorb.com. ah, the ad appears as if by magic. As I prepare for the passing of the month into November – wait, I must digress: I imagine a small cadre of uniformed Scots marching with formal rigidness to consecrate the passing of the month. Lots of reds and golds, a bagpipe at hand. A small child, looking on with wonder as a parent quietly says “tis the month of October, passing”. There, digressing over. I also think of the original late night host, Steve Allen as he yells SMOCK! SMOCK! from a cage over the audience. He taught me the word and usage of “I digress”. There you have it, flashback to youth, maybe 1961 or 1962. There is little rhyme or reason to the flashback but then that is the way of flashbacks. Warriors have different types of flashbacks. I had a friend fresh back from Viet Nam, where he received a dishonorable (undesireable?) Discharge. One of the two. He tossed one of his own grenades behind him, the medics knew it straight out, and so they sent him home. That was what he wanted, so he was unconcerned. He also shot my B&W television with my Walther PPK. The picture tube imploded. Glass flew everywhere, scared my dog, covered me with broken glass and the bullet laying where the middle of the picturetube was. Hogans Heros was on, and he shot Col. Klink. Gut reaction. I have been having a weird day, and so this is what comes from me on weird day. I should be working on my book. Soon I will try to hard copy volume 2 of my auto biography. I envision and have loosely woven five volumes, each independent of one another, yet each working to create the big picture. Marijuana is the unifying manner and together I take you on a thirty year adventure that will culminate (end) with you being a better person, literate in our government and its workings as well as teaching you how to be a paralegal. Not many books can deliver all of that, but then I have had an E ticket throughout my life. As Jim Morrison once sang, “break on through to the other side”. Yeah.
Now with the rain season underway I need to jump into forward mode and shift gears from Summer because I want to progress from summer/Fall to Winter mode. Easy enough to do, especially when there are enough nice days to expand a bit and take Brutus for a few days trip. Sixes is calling me and I have to visit my friend since I have not seen him in a year. I do need to try and keep my friends in better contact than I have been. Yes, I often times have years slip by without acknowledging friends, and they sometimes feel I only see them when I want something. That is not the case, I actually just forget to stop and say hello, being isolated in thought due to my personal struggles unrelated to the individual and more because I am so intense of an individual. I do have friends that I bother just because my personality has that chaffeing quality to it. Often I intentionally do things that carry such side quirks where unbeknownest to me I have “made a statement” that appears deliberate yet was innocent when done and particularly so when, for me, I was unaware of the crossed effect. That is probably more due to tunnelvision on my part. I apoligise in advance for any of my actions that have led you to that belief. I guess that also is because I fail to fully consider all consequences of any particular acts. I do things that appear, on the one hand, to be retribution but, in reality, are merely gut reaction. An example would be I do not like arguing or being told what to do and my gut reactions are usually flight. A caveat to that is when I have already acted to reduce stress and only had the stress increase more so. I walk away from stress, and run away from stress situations that harbor ill will. Confrontation is foreign to me by my design, more because I grew up with constant confrontation and dislike having to meet up with conflict. I rarely tolerate for long any actions that send my feelings or emotions into a spiral because those emotions, for me, are way too intense. My foot loose and fancy free demeanor is more facade than reality, because I try hard to leave little of myself vulnerable to others whim. I pride myself on stress free game playing, have been known for poker games, often days long in length, that rarely have arguments. I do not tolerate card games that breech that line. I grew up with games that always had arguments and such, and a card game is for fun. When arguing disrupts a card game I leave. I have a tolerance for arguing, especially with friends, however I prefer not to play cards when circumstances make the game unfun. That is more than just me, or a simple rule to consider, because it goes instantly deep into my heart. Overly sensitive? Probably so, but I am too old to waste time with petty arguments. For me it ruins more than the game, it borders on making me frustrated. Why attempt making fun from a simple game when others prefer the imagery of battle. Not for me. Add stakes and the game becomes boring. These rains have made my back very sore, so I shall end, for now.
Often I find myself wondering how and why I am in the situation I am. Now it is broke snd homeless, but this goes a long way back. As a child, a young adult, an adult, I have questioned the predicament I find myself embroiled in. The answer has always been related to the problem, but it has taken me more time to finally arrive at the conclusion I now have. I am at the situation because. Yes, because. Nothing happens to you unless you do something that allowed you to arrive at your present circumstance. The reason you are where you are is because. Because you did something, or a series of somethings that led to where upu are. Yes, it sounds simple, but it is not that simple. Generally speaking your actions will lead to a predictable result. In my school days I rarely did my homework at home. I could do most at school, but home was not a vomfortable setting. My GPA was not indicative of my ability, it was merely a sign of my actions. I have never been arrested where I did not know shortly before hand it was going to happen. That was because I knew not to do something, but did it anyway. Yes, I lived a lifestyle that invariably would lead to my arrest, eventually. That helped cause my arrest, but it was not the direct cause, it was incidental. Many people engaged in drugs, but users that were careful, or even dealers that were careful seemed to not get caught. I was usually set up by acquaintances. I can not pass a lie detector test, not because I lie, but because a part of the answer invariably requires you acknowledge to not commiting any crimes, and I can never get over that particular hurdle because I break the law frequently and knowingly. Many people do, because there are a lot of laws and it is difficult to not break laws. Many people speed while driving, or upon finding money keep it, or fail to correct a cashier that gives you too much change. I don’t do those things, nor will I grab an ice block and not prepay for it. That is habit. I do still, on very rare occassions, accept cash for pot. I usually just give small amounts away, same as I sometimes receive pot gratus. Pot was a money source for me for too many years, although I no longer watch police cars to see if they are coming fir me. Odd, considering that in the sixties I always had kilos of pot and lots of LSD for sale. I have purchased paper sacks full of pressed and wrapped Pot while the place I purchased them was under surveilance. I have received kilos from a shipment that had been sold and followed by DEA agents from Mexico to Long Beach, California. I was breaking a kilo up that was pecuilar in that the Mexican State was printed on butcher paper and it was then wrapped in color cellophane, at the same time George Putnam was breaking one up on television as he discussed a thousand kilo deal that had been busted, with seven kilos missing from the load. I had five, and my friend had two. That was very funny to me. I delivered two kilos to Santa Barbara the same night that there was rioting, and the Bank of America building was burned. I drove through three check points going in, and two coming out. I swapped the weed for LSD, which I brought home. I have driven through an armed narcotics check point, where a small building blocked the road, and all these agents were standing around, holding sub machineguns. I had forty kilos in my trunk, laying loose. We were questioned, and passed, without being searched. That was scarey. Like I said, though, I have never been arrested but when I knew it was coming. If I had listened to my inner voice I would have never been arrested. I would never have been arrested if I never broke the law, but then I would have missed all that fun. I guess because is good enough. I am homeless because. That is true enough, and while I can trace back the errors that ultimately led to my homelessness, the truth is I am homeless because. How about you? By that I mean can you accept your current condition because? Or do you seek blame? I am poor because the entire world is against me, or the work pool is rigged against me, or simply because. It is all cause and effect. We all are individual dominoes in a long slread out formation, and once set in motion it continues to the end.
Up at 7 am, Brutus and I shared scrambled eggs and bacon. He had his dry food soaked in Pedigree gravy from yesterday. I will freshen the dry and add a fresh 22 oz can of Pedigree Country Stew later today. I went to my pain doctor early, which usually elates them because I fold easily within their group. I’ve been using their regimine and have been pain tolerable for several years now. In plain english that means my back pain is tolerable and I function fairly normally. My spinal fusion is more than thirty years old, the disc above has herniated, but since I am old no one seems concerned. Every few years I have to do the steroid shots into my spine to way lay flare-ups. I have endured those twice now, and they have to last 2 years between the series of shots. I have gotten where a foot square patch of zylocaine and a few deadening shots of novacaine like fluid allow them to spinal sweep the steroids across trouble areas without having to sedate me. I must lay very still as they inject the needles into the nerves in my spine using videography to guide them. I am a good patient and usually can drive myself home. It has been a while since I last had that done, so my current regimine is working well. From experience, protect your back because nothing will take you out of service as thoroughly as HNP (herniated nuculosis propolsus) or a ruptured disc. I was fused at my L4 L5 s1, meaning they removed the L5 disc and fused the picket fence of bone fragments and cement (glue) they replaced the disc with with the fusion being done at the sacroiliac 1 juncture. The three plus years it took for me to receive that fusion cost me a lawsuit loss through statute of limitations for medical malpractice and severe damage through nerve disruption. Legal/medical mumbo jumbo saying I was “accidentally” mis-operated on and the lawyers preserved the Doctor’s reputation while I was fed to the wolves. That is just one of four life changing events that made me who I am now. Of course you do not ever think of those times as life changers when they occur. That comes later, when you get old and have more time to reflect. I have reflected so much I feel like a mirror. Still, I have aged ok considering, and I am just getting started on my current path of awareness. My health is such I probably will be around for a while more, and need begin to better care for myself, financially and healthwise. The financial side has always been my weakness, because mostly I have spurned money rather than cherished it. I get by solely because a few friends help me. My presence as writer of what I see and feel keeps me connected. I have not had much presence of late because politics has wore me out, i have gotten so tired of friends screaming for Trump and all the BS he spews I just want to puke. So I have mostly played cards, garnered food stuffs, eat some apples, peanut butter, and just wait for 8 more days until I can put diesel into my truck.
Decent debate tonight, just will be glad when this is over. To bad Trump refuses to say he will accept the election results. Bad for the Country to cry about rigged election, just accept that he is his own worst enemy. While I think he would turn America away from democracy, I am so tired of this election. I hope whoever wins also has control of both house and Senate, four more years of GOP not doing anything would absolutely finish off Republicanism. Denny, Jon and I did get in two games of Pinochle, Jon and I did each win, Denny only had one decent hand in all our hands. It was nice being reassured he remembers the game, and wasn’t failing to see the meld in his hand. Short note, busy day tomorrow, Brutus already asleep. Good night.
No cards but watched football. I only fell asleep twice, remained on the couch at 45 degree tilt. Arizona won. When did the Cardinals leave Baltimore? Were they ever in Baltimore? Yeah, I watch haphazardly. Brutus has been behaving, must be a sign of something. He was a shit this morning, when I had to leave for Coos Bay. I’ve been watching election news, that is very depressing. Remember my analogy about dueling without bullets? I want to arm both sides, and put me out of my misery. I pity the children attending school, because they have no clue whats happening, since it is obvious the adults have no clue. In my thinking I see a simplicity of what needs done, we need to rebuild our superstructure and put people to work, taxing the 1% to pay for it. Other poor folks think we need to throw out requlations so loggers can log and mills can produce. I would agree about removing regulations, except the rich folk take advantage of that, leaving “super fucked up” sites for the government to clean up, and they pay shit wages to boot. The coal miners complain we over regulate the coal mines, but the miners make shit wages, get black lung disease and die early and broke. Coal and oil are dead. Timber is dead and fishing is dying, as is our air and water and temperature. Sorry, but those are the facts. We can no longer fuck up our place to live because we need to live there. America has fouled its own nest, and everyone has a part in the blame and in the corrective. There are other people in the world besides us, and they deserve a try to survive, and they have no choice but to polute, too. We can’t stop them from polluting while we still pollute. It is more than politics, it is basic common decency. We tell China and India they have to dtop polluting because we polluted enough for everybody. They don’t buy that. Trump says do away with regulations and work will come back. No, only pollution comes back. Why anyone believes anything he says is beyond me. Hillary is not lots better, but she isn’t stirring up much bull shit about rigged elections. If he loses its because he has pissed off so many voters, blaming and blacks. If you fall for his white power crap, for any reason, you are no real American, you are modern Hitler youth. If you agreefight cwith him, you apparently like assholes that demean women, minorities and incite riots because he is incapable of admiting he lost because he’s an asshole. Be prepsred to die defending his sickness, because his lackeys that are showing off their weapons and making threats will be the first folks killed by the National Guard, an obviously unnecessary series of acts. I will say goodbye now to my gun totting friends spoiling for a race riot. Idiots. Take a gun to a fight, you will die. Good riddance. Some folks just cant accept the fact the few cant dictate to the many how it will be, same as we live in a democracy, not mob rule. You dont like it, leave. The many do not tell the few what right or wrong, we have the rule of law. We also have legitimate elections. You dont like things get involved and fucking vote. Thats democracy. Some folks can’t accept they are not better just because they are white and rich. Bye bye, you will not be missed. Start paying attention, because you are being fed shit, and some of you seem to like it.
Working on the new evening pleasure of Pinochle. The game is genetically infused in all of us players, learning as toddlers from parents snd grandparents. To me it’s indicative of a bygone lifestyle, and one modern millenials should learn from, because it is non electronic entertainment and a wonderful learning tool for children. We are all adults, but have many decades of play. Personally, I’ve learned stratagy, patience, swear words, alcohol, drugs usage and abuse, and its a great time user when incarcerated, bored or finding yourself in a strange place with time to kill. A simple deck of pinochle cards consists of two cards of each suit, Aces through 9s . 48 cards in all. One version is played with a double pinochle deck, omitting the 9s. Four each suit of Aces, tens, Kings, Queens and Jacks. Jacks are lowest, Aces highest. Aces, Tens and Kings count as one point each at the close of each hand. You capture, or take tricks, each player playing in turn, the previous trick winner leading off. The idea is to capture as many tricks as possible. You bid on your hand, based on a set of meld points. You have to follow suit, and you have to try and beat the cards played before you. You must trump if you have no cards in the led suit. Those are the rules. Obviously its a bit more involved, but if a six year old can play it, you can. Its more involved than hearts, more rewarding to play, and the rules are somewhat flexible for different people, because it is a fun social event. There are folks who become very upset over play, everyone does at times, but it’s less trouble than politics hashing. Democrats play smarter than republicans, says the democrat in me. That’s why politics are usually not discussed. I have seen my grandmother leave the game in tears, my grandfather burn the cards, and for those who use chips to keep track of scores, do have extra chips because they do become missiles in discussions. Seriously, it is a fun game, with variations for solitare, doubles, three handed (cut throat) and partners. There are variations, so knowing who you play with dictates some of the rules, you can gamble with it, play for free, the idea is HAVE FUN. Denny and Barbara have hosted Jon and I twice now, we are looking at playing partners, but Barbara is watching how we play. I enjoy their company, Denny and I used to play it alot many decades ago. Brutus is adapting, although my friends treat him as well or better than me, and I appreciate that very much because you normally can’t introduce a 120 pound dog into a family household easily, but Brutus has handled himself fairly well. Easy for a great dog, and Brutus is certainly establishing himself as one of the best dogs I have ever had, and he certainly picks no bones about who his human is. Enjoy tonights full moon, see you all tomorrow.
It’s something that has been handed down through generations and that is manner of speech. When something is discussed between a group of people, your manners obviously you learned from your environment at Birth on, until you decided you needed to up your game. I spent years watch my brothers argue. Confrontation writing is not my forte’. When I was writing bar reviews for a bar magazine i had an owner of an upscale bar tell me my magazine and column was not read by anyone. I wrote a scathing write up of the bar, asking
the patrons to let the owner know they read the article. I heard back quick, and wrote a continuation in the next weeks issue. Everybody yelled at me until I spoke to the owner and told him i was apologizing to him for having demonstrated the power of my words. I was able to sell him a full page ad for three weeks, and then two half page ads for a few eeeks after that. My employer was happy enough to give me a raise and that was fun but it also allowed me to understand exactly the power of words. I have tried since but hateful language is foreign to my style, and comes out more angry and less thoughtful. Thats not my style. I try to inform or entertain, sometimes both. To me it is obvious why people read and I try to ensure if they take the effort to read my writing, I will take the effort to make my writing easily understood. You have to considee people to be like water, seeking the easiest way from start to finish. Brevity is not a part of my style, but one insurance Company asked me to write a synopses of my report. If they were intrigued they would read the entire article. My goal was to not only have them read what I wrote, but also share it with others. A good newspaper will have numerous articles that I share with others. My goal in my books is to amuse, amaze and entertain. This Winter I shall finish my autobiography, and establish a hard copy to be printed plus an ebook for Amazon. I will hand assemble one thousand copies, signed and numbered.
As the sky leaks I am reminded of the weather and my penchant of camping out. It is cold out, but all the nicer to simply cover up and sleep it off, human version of hibernation. I can’t survive by sleeping for months but I can wile away the time awaiting the spring. Setting up a kitchen that will suffice for now. Its a no brainer I need to simply await passage of months, writing best as I can with my computers, allowing my fingers to point out what my eyes see. I’ve had a suggestion made where I may be able to set up my tent and laydown sleep. I will look into this tomorrow, because with my cooking my meals I can survive much better. I have posted some items on “let go” and already received some encouraging information and some prospects. I offered tie dye and put my generator up. Tie dye has already brought me questions, and One sale. I have a few that want me to do special orders, and I am ok with that. My forty shirts a day wont be happening but I can add to my more than 80 shirts. Arthritus in my spine has increased so my morphine is always taking off the edge, but I still am nearly reduced to tears twice a day. Glad to know I still can hack the making of the art, but damn it is frustrating still. Socks and bandanas are my next purchase. Linda Revelle pointed me in that right direction. Out of the three dozen pairs I have six left, and only 5 pairs of shoe laces from 2 dozen. I want to do three dozen bamboo socks, plus bandanas. More watch caps as well. Then I want to increase kids sizes, plus more 3x and 2x sizes. All fun and games for me, and almost no cost since the few I sell covers the expense of material and dye. Someday soon I hope to have a house to use to do my dyeing. I still have 30 pounds of dye.
Being homeless brings you into contact with others who are trying to help. That is a positive step, usually. Some of my friends know I recently had a negative encounter with some folks helping the homeless by feeding and offering assistance. Over a few months I came to know the small organization, a group of friends, really. They are nice, genuine people, and my friend that introduced us has been my friend for over thirty years. The negative encounter was over a post I made on my facebook page, seeking some volunteers for them, a few folks to offer financial or physical aid. These people provide a warm meal on Saturday, along with a sack lunch and a few other people gathered donated clothing and would bring those, bread loaves, jars of peanut butter, jelly, dog food, cat food, toothpaste, tooth brushes, soap, mouth wash and other necessities. They have been doing this about a year, paying for it mostly by themselves. That means occassional volunteers, but four folks pretty much do it all, and they care for up to one hundred prople. They have done a good job, few complaints, but they were beginning to show signs of burnout. So I posted on my facebook page what I observed of their operation, and what appeared to me to be where they could use relief. I was talking to my facebook friends, explained they could use some folks assistance in simple acts, not anything complicated. They needed a break. My posting caught them in an odd way, and they took my post as a direct attack against them and their work. When I read their replies I was flabergasted. I answered by apoligizing for their mistaken belief I was doing anything other than seeking volunteers for them so they could take a breath. That made it worse, the leader took me to task and pointed out specifics and directly attacked me for my writing against them. Boom. I have written for a living for over thirty years, and I have never been accused of malfeasance, unless I specifically meant to, which I did once in an attempt to prove to sell advertising (and that was wildly successful). So I posted that I do not argue on my facebook page, for them to unfriend me and if we meet on the street to ignore me and walk away. After the two unfriended me I blocked them, of course not my friend, and I wrote a short missive letting the few who read the whole thing know what was up. Those who got back in touch said I had been misunderstood by the others, and they were wrong to attack me. That made me feel better, but this was a first, and I will soon be seventy years old. So, if you are wondering why I am again writing about this, lessons abound in life, and I have learned to try and pay attention to them, to try and avoid repeats. These well meaning folks did not want structure around their attempt to assist. My writing made them fear I was trying or planning on forcing structure upon them. Truth is, they will either accept structure or their efforts will cease. Regulations exist to prepare and prevent problems from occurring and in particular food. They have actually reached that point where they either shoot or go home. Not right this second, but soon enough. The City wants them to have a permit, and have waived that need providing they provide a porta potty. They did, for one month, but no one paid the second month, and it is gone. Leaving the porta potty all week in place was not working, people kept unlocking it, and the folks paying for it only used it on Saturday. It needed to be on a trailer and brought there when the feeding occurred. That was a simple problem with a simple answer. Next would have been the need for hand washing. There was hand sanitizer available. Then there would be the need for food handler permits. Then kitchen inspections and then food cooler and warmers. Do you see where this was going? Maybe these folks saw what I wrote as the first step towards the above, and they decided to shoot the messenger. I would prefer that to thinking my writing was the cause of their reaction because my writing is very important to me, and to lose that control will devastate me. Does the opening title now make sense to you? I see now that the folks efforts will need to, for want of a better phrase, step up to the plate and hit a homerun. I shall draft and file the papers to form a 501 C 3 non profit Corporation dedicated to alleviating homelessness through providing food, shelter and living essentials. I can create a home front, and then various people can find a niche and fill it. I have my eyes on a motel. 36 rooms, plus a large parking lot. It is closed and needs much repair work. I am hoping to swing a way to get it, and use the homeless to rehabilitate it and provide shelter, and food. If I can start it, they will come. Motel Field of Dreams.