Home on the Range

This morning The song “Home, home on the range” is filtering back and forth in my brain. A simple cowboys lament, now mine. It is so easy to just skip over and read someone else, but wait, this isnt a western song, it is my lament. Tears in my eyes, I’ve just come back to my truck after letting both dogs out to pee. I had to pull Damnit up so she could go, and I watched as she staggered to maintain standing, failing, falling over, then standing, walking a few feet, falling, getting back up, staggering and then falling again. Each time she got back up she’d go in a slightly different direction. I finally realized she was trying to climb up to her favorite shady spot. She wanted to lay down and sleep, not pee. Either she has managed to poo, pee, or she decided she didn’t have to go. No matter, I scooped her up, and carried her back to the truck we live in. I gently placed her on the seat, and she went to her reclining spot, albeit too near the door. She has given up on the circling dogs do before they lay down, because she falls over way before she finishes the circle. That damn song is still playing in my mind. Home, home on the range. Home. Thats what keeps playing, I am adding the rest. Home. Would Damnit and I be in this death spiral if we had a home? If there were a home with us in the same mindset, would I have already put her down? All dog owners face this question of do I or do I not put down that furry little love spot we call by whatever fanciful name we saddled him or her with. Damnit. One of our languages more used word’s, at least by we who expletive life writes. Fuck actually a more common word, but who calls a dog that? Damnit raises enough eyebrows, what would people think if she was named fuck. Would you stand on your porch and yell FUCK! here Fuck. No, nobody would. That would be a low named critter, rarely hearing her name called. Damnit has been such a good dog, and she deserves being treated as a good dog. I just wish I had a place to bury her. I had hoped she would die of natural causes before now. Not just because I want rid of her, since I do not want rid of her, but because to have her put down means I have to eliminate something else in my budget. I helped someone in worse shape than me, financially. I loaned him $40, so he would have gas to get to California. At least in California he can work, even though he drives truck, there is not much work for him in Oregon, with a California drivers license. That was Damnit’s pill money, essentially. Randy, if you read this, stop feeling guilty, your needs were greater than all other of my needs. When he and I spoke over our three disconnected phone calls, he has had his motorhome catch fire, his tire went flat, and he was awaiting a part. There are times when life adds worries to your load. His challenges are just that, challenges. He is overcoming them. When he and I met some eleven days ago, he quit facing challenges. We were introduced so I could help him. I helped him. First up, was he needed to stop thinking of suicide. He had planned on going to the high Sierras and starving to death. That is not a pleasant way to die, and his self preservation would take hold and save him from himself. I just pointed out his dog, and the pact all dog owners agree to when they acquire a dog. The folks that introduced us want me to help them as well, although the help they need requires specific, special abilities. Good thing I am uniquely qualified. Theirs is a matter of Attorneys being greedy and unscrupulous. Its in most of their natures, but that is not allowable. I know about the law, and lawyers. They are a simple lot, and easily understood. Money is their primary motivator. Often they seek to assist. That is often their easiest task, assisting you. I enjoy assisting others to do things correctly. Lawyers tend to uneasily do things. That is a misuse of the word uneasy, meaning to feel as if you are not sure of something. Lawyers are a special breed. Who else would call a two hundred page document “a brief”. Lawyers make the simplest act hard to understand. They are trained to ďo that. They claim it is so as to avoid confusion. Actually, it is how they guarantee there will be another lawyer involved. In America live more lawyers per capita than anywhere else in the world. I can not prove it, but any involved in law would readily agree because they perpetuate the need of a lawyer through use of “phrases” only lawyers know how they have been interpreted to mean. A movement to force an end of this “flowery lingo” is called “plain english”. Plain english means, simply placed language. “Defendant does hereby pray and beg for fairness” becomes “The accused asks for equity”. Now you only have to define equity. Before you had to define defendent, pray, beg and fairness. Add that the definition in one area is not the same in another. That guarantees the final wordage is still open to interpretation. That is digression. Back to Damnit and her situation. She does still have moments of joy. Her moments of anguish are much more. If I were Damnit, would I seek an end to life? Probably not. And that is how this decision goes. As to Randy, his work is done, and he will raise capital to “pay off” the Oregon problem. Like most problems money is the solution. Money would give me a home. I could cook, in a home. Yes, a home, with a range. There, the lament is done. Time for breakfast.

Author: gary

I am a retired paralegal private investigator. I live on the southern Oregon coast, USA.

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